Your results are in!

You probably think your sex drive just ghosted, and this is how it is now

  • Life is so busy, sex has slid way down your to-do list
  • By bedtime you’re so tired & touched out you just want your body to yourself
  • You just can’t get yourself to initiate, even when you want it
  • Once you get going it’s actually good… you just never want to start
  • Long-held resentment is quietly killing the sexy-time vibe

Your big goal

To want sex, initiate it, and enjoy it, without it feeling like one more chore

But…

Your desire is taking a long nap, like Sleeping Beauty, snoozing in a tower behind a hedge of thorns

She ain’t dead. She’s just on ice.

Maybe it’s stress, exhaustion, resentment. Maybe sex just slid so far down the priority list that it’s hard to bring it up again. Either way, your desire is still in there, perfectly preserved, waiting for someone to give you a wake-up kiss (hopefully, with consent).

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Here’s the nerdy science behind what’s really going on

Use it or lose it

Desire works like any other pathway in your brain. When pleasure gets deprioritized for months or years, the pathways that lead to desire wane. (If it feels like it happened all at once, there may be another culprit ↓)

Your desire path changed

For many people, desire is responsive, not spontaneous. If you once could feel horny at the drop of a hat, your desire path may have changed over time. What “got you there” before may not get you there now. It’s time to update your sexy-time strategies.

Survival mode

And when stress or resentment is part of the picture, your nervous system treats desire as a luxury for safe, rested times, totally absent when you’re in survival mode.

Did it happen all at once? Hormones, birth control, antidepressants, postpartum changes, and other health shifts can all turn desire down. If that feels like you, coaching may be a more direct route back to pleasure.

The fix works on two layers

Layer one

Clearing the conditions that keep you from feeling aroused.

Layer two

Practices that saturate you in desire, so Sleeping Beauty finally wakes up.

Imagine this

You just dropped a sexy text, and now you’re the one reaching for their hand…

You’re the one who starts it now. No pep talk, no scheduling, no lying very still pretending to be asleep. The spark sparks, and instead of shoving it behind the laundry and the emails, you let it flame.

People who’ve gotten their desire back are doing 3 things

1

Prioritizing their pleasure.

It goes on the schedule, and it doesn’t get punted for one more round of dishes or because you feel a certain way about taking some time for yourself.

2

They marinate in juiciness.

You’re not waiting around for desire to just spontaneously descend. You cultivate it with intentional practices and experiences.

3

Giving themselves permission.

Permission for pleasure, permission for taking as long as you need to get aroused, permission to be self-focused, permission to not take it so seriously and to learn new things. Instead of clinging to rigid ideas of what sex and pleasure should be like, play around and see what works for you!

Ready to feel fireworks again?

Back in the Mood is 9 practices to bring your body back to pleasure:

  • Guided breath meditations that shift you out of survival mode
  • A Rage Ritual for the resentment that kills the vibe
  • Anchor Stacking, to call up an aroused, alive state on purpose
  • Permission for Pleasure and Solo Dates, to make room for desire in a full life